Self-Abandonment

I saw a video the other day where a woman asked, “how often do you self-abandon?” How many times do you not show up for yourself? How many times do you put yourself and your needs behind those of others? How often do you not take care of yourself at all? And, it has me thinking a lot about my habits.

When you have kids, you definitely have less time to spend on yourself. But, if I’m being honest, I had issues with prioritizing my goals before I had kids. For example, my fitness and nutrition goals have not always progressed. How many times have I tried to create a consistent workout routine just to abandon it? How many times have I fallen off the wagon and spent weeks or even months before attempting to get back on?

I know that many people can resonate. Others will say I’m being too hard on myself. But the fact is that I am simply telling the truth. And if I can’t be realistic with myself, then I will never move closer toward my goals. I can actually be too easy on myself. There is nothing wrong with compassion, and I know life shouldn’t be taken so seriously. But, on the other hand, if we cannot push ourselves to be consistent and be better, then we will always end up in the same place. If you love where you are, then that’s great. But if you don’t, then changes need to be made, and I know there are some areas in my life I want to improve.

I want to be more consistent with my workouts, whether that be walking, yoga or Pilates (in the studio or at home), and eating healthier. I want to be a more fit version of myself so I can feel better physically and show up for my kids in the best way possible. I want to live as long and as healthy as possible so I can have more time on this earth with my family and friends. And it’s not just about my physical body.

I wrote a previous post about my commitment to write this blog, and I detailed how making a commitment and showing up for myself is important. If I can’t trust my own word, then I am letting myself down, and that’s not a good feeling. How am I to build confidence when I cannot trust myself? It’s okay to fall off the wagon, and it’s okay to change my mind. I may start something and decide I don’t really like it, and it’s okay to quit. But, if I have the same goals year after year and I do not make it a priority to do the work to achieve those goals, then I am self-abandoning.

Another area of improvement is simply voicing my thoughts and opinions even when I know my truth may upset others. When I stifle my voice, I am not being true to myself. I understand “pick your battles” and all that, but I cannot consistently silence my voice for fear of others’ reactions. That is not living authentically and it’s another area I need to be aware of, so I do not abandon myself, my voice, my thoughts, and my opinions. Because they matter.

This purpose of this post is to be a reminder that I can and should be showing up in a more disciplined way for myself. I want to prioritize my goals so I can actually achieve them and feel proud of myself. I want to feel my best and show up for others in the best way possible as well. I’m not currently doing so, and I want to change that.